scott-allen

I’ve had a bad few weeks… really bad… and I was so frustrated I just had to vent here is me venting… Hopefully you will feel it. If not oh well.

Have you ever had that one-day/ where you feel like Job/

The clouds hide the sunrays/ and life steals your hope/

And what you find strength in/ seems to take notice/

But you feel forsaken/ cause you dreams lose focus/

And Lord I’ve done what you asked/ so I turn to you/

To the point I’m in sackcloth and ash/ like I learned to do/

And I pray hard/ and I plead/ hiding behind clenched eyelids/

And I have the same scars that bleed when I vent in silence/

Are there the same parts of me/ that wants to stand defiant/

But it’s the changed heart that needs/ this man to be righteous/

So I grip tight to your rob and I cry to wash your feet/

And I listen at night to the souls that always try to speak/

And for once I will be quiet/ and pray for my father’s voice/

I learned to foster his likeness from crumpled man to altar boy/

But you have NOT turned your back/ you never left me alone/

The covenant you made with me is forever… it’s never annulled/

So this is my first installment of scott-allens video of the month. What I want to do is find a video new or old that is just a wonderful piece of art and give it some sunshine and water in the minds of those who might not of seen it . The first one is “unforgiven” from Metallica’s black album.. From the lyrics to the music to the direction of the video its just an amazing story and unadulterated perspective of frustration… as a boy turns to a man and deals with his own obstacles. Just watch it.. its amazing.

Unforgiven

[So this weekend] I decided to take my daughter out on a daddy-daughter date. It was just gonna be me and her and we planned out a night of fun… I gave her the Valentines Day Gifts I had gotten her… a book I picked up called “The Daring Book for Girls” which had everything in it from rules of hopscotch, to amazing women in history, to how to make a friendship bracelet, it was an “awesome” gift. Plus Kali love’s to read.. She also got a movie she has really wanted called Gremlins.. cheesy 80’s movie… LOL. (over the weekend we fell asleep twice watching that movie) and a few other odds and ends… Anyways…

[We went] out and saw “The Spiderwick Chronicles” got some Nachos (extra cheese of course) a little fruit punch and cuddled and watch the movie. It was a good movie fun to watch and of course Kali loved it because she loves those fanasy type movies. Afterwards we headed to Dairy Queen for a nice late dinner and went home. When I tucked her into bed she hugged me and told me thank you and that she loved me and it really got me thinking…

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This was written months ago, but has greatly affected the creative process of my music and my life in general… I thought I would share it, so any questions regarding this issue can be answered through the raw emotion of an old blog.

[LIFE] is that funny cruel little monster that hides under your bed and when your sleep plucks away your dreams before you wake up and can remember them. Life is irony and love and pain and the pain of love. Life is a path that goes no where and is full of forks in the road that all lead to the same place. Life is confusing, and as I try to write this as a form of therapy, I hope people keep me in there prayers and thoughts as I essentially start over… with life.

[THIS IS A STORY] I hoped would have ended when I was old and dying with my wife next to me holding my hand. She would be gently smiling at the thought of a lifetime of love and joy to look back on. My kids and my grandchildren would have been there and they would honor their grandparents who always woke up and chose to love each other every day. Instead I find myself alone in a dark room, my eyes are utterly swollen and raw from crying, I have sickening butterflies in my stomach and my heart is broke. I literally know the moment my heart broke. I’ve replayed it a thousand times in my head and its like have a never ending surgery with no anesthesia. I’m awake and the pain is unbearable, even now the moment is tattooed to one simple sentence that by itself doesn’t mean much. But if you combined it with a blank stare filled with contempt and a total disregard of my heart it seems to cut so much more deep. It’s simple “I am choosing him, over you” my wife chose to be with her “QUOTE” friend over her husband. She chose to keep an inappropriate relationship with a guy who has never been in a relationship over 6 months to a man who has never wanted anything else but to wake up next to his wife.

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Since it’s September 11th I wanted to talk about something thats been bothering me. What am I..and what does that make you…

Maybe you’re a Republican? Maybe your a Democrat or like me you don’t know. I voted Republican and I was raised Republican but don’t truly know where I fall because my views sometimes differ greatly from my parents and friends (who are mainly Republican.) Honestly, I struggle greatly with my views based on my belief in freedoms and my moral standards. So I constantly question what am I and were I fall in the grand picture of pigeon holed political views. Frankly if you asked me today? I’d say I don’t know, but read ahead anyway and let me know where you think I fall or point me in the direction of a place that can tell me.

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